Past Musings


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Friday, January 10, 2003

...of few words...

In English today after we finished what we were working on, Angelina and Lucas were having a debate about perfection in the world and why it cannot exist. I have discussed this many times, so it was not particularly exciting. However we did start talking about how much time humans have left on Earth. A few more generations? A few years maybe. Maybe we will all be gone tomorrow. It seems strange, how we could destroy ourselves so easily. One blip on a screen and we're all gone. It does not really sadden me, but it makes me think, why are we able to exist one day but be gone the next. Hmmm...

Alright I'm back now, after eating a snack. I drank some strange imitation of miso soup, had a glass of milk, and then ate some chocolate. I pick the most probable combinations in my food, don't I? Yesterday, I told Angelina a story, a very good story. You guys don't get to hear it, unless you are Angelina or Kangway and then I already told you. Angelina, because I sense that Kangway has issues of his own and he has not been in the mood to help me. Angelina is helpful, or at least interesting. Hehe. No, that was not an insult. "This is a party to get Nobu at mo's house. Damn, I forgot to invite Nobu." That would be interesting, but sad. Obviously, we have very normal girl worries among the two of us, such as: "I don't think he's my type..." "I wonder if he likes me..." and "Why the fuck aren't I fluent in Japanese..." Excitement. Somehow Angelina has decided that Nobu has a very interesting personality, however has no need to express that with words. Although "..." and "...!" and "...?" are always helpful.

Now that I have stopped ranting little bits and pieces of stuff that you may or may not get, I will get my anger out. My anger involves Lucas. Not again, you may say. No, he did nothing out of the ordinary. It just struck me how mean he is to me and how wrong he is about all of this. I don't hate him, I really don't. Other than now, when he's not around I almost never think about him, and even when he is there, my mind is usually on a number of other things. This can be commonly referred to as daydreaming, but I tend to think of it as thinking of more important things. Iiaeaux really made me notice how his behavior pisses me off. Every single thing I say, he has to get angry about, and make a comeback to. Not that I say the smartest stuff sometimes, and I will admit to even saying some things just to see what his reaction is. Actually, I really just want to be left alone in my comments unless he has an actual response. One that doesn't involve pretending that I'm incredibly ugly, stupid, weak, annoying, or incorrect. I think that the thing he said though that hurt the most, ever, it still hurts a little today, although I am mostly over it. No, it's not the "I hate you, mo, I hate you," and it's not "no one will ever like you because of your fucked up personality." It was an online conversation, which lessens the effects of the harsh words, obviously, so I didn't notice what he was saying. I had said something like "Well I do have a few good friends, and they will help me" and his response was "do you?" That was the worst. I think I am alright now though, because I see that I do have good friends that genuinely want to help me if I am hurt, or just make me laugh sometimes. I see I have them. I see that they are there. And that makes me feel better, better than anything that someone can say to me.

I am happy that I don't have to practice cello today because I have a lesson soon. And I don't practice on days I have a lesson. I do love my cello, it makes very pretty sounds, and I only wish I could fulfill what it was made for. Alright, so it was really made for making money, and my parents have fulfilled that. But I must learn to play better. However, this week I have been very diligent in that, and I deserve a rest. More than 7 measures of rest.

More comments on life in specific (mine): I took some pictures at school today, and I let Tomek take my camera to go find interesting pictures. I am rethinking that choice now, whatever he photographed (which I don't really want to know) is now on my roll of film and it will be developed. Lucky me. I have decided to start titling these blogs, not that it will be very meaningful... Good quote from bio today, we were talking about carbon dating:

"Why are you dating your mummy?" -- Boyle

I think that Mr. Stone used that joke in the following classes. Also, Michael had a good sentence of the day today (not that he usually has sentences of the day, but one can always hope it's the start of something new) and it is this: "Never hit someone with crutches." What does that mean? The meaning is obviously ambiguous. I assumed he meant never pick up a crutch and whack someone with it, being as it is Michael. However he chose it for the fact that it is ambiguous. I find it interesting............

mo posted at 4:40 PM.